Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What to Say?

It's been awhile since I've written anything about my Granny, and that's largely because it's hard to know what to say when my heart is this full. There were some special moments on my last visit to her that I will always treasure, but they are way to private to share, and I'm not sure I'd be able to type it out without crying anyway...

It is time for an update though. Granny is not doing well. As far as I've heard they are no longer talking about doing any more treatment, they are simply talking about making her as comfortable as possible for whatever time she has left. She's a lot weaker than when I last saw her...the family has to feed her now and she can't do much for herself at all.

Everyone's pulling together to take her home. The state will pay for a portion of her care, but the family is going to have to take shifts to be there with her at night. I'm really impressed that my Uncles are willing to do this. I never thought they were the type. Please don't take that as I don't like my Uncles, they are great guys, I just never pictured the hunter/construction guys as the type that would be willing to be caregivers! It blows me away and thoroughly impresses me.

My parents are going to do what they can to help, spending at least one weekend if not more up there. It's harder for them because we live 4 hours away, and so it means a lot more gas wise and everything, where as my Uncles live up there. But my parents are definitely doing everything they can. Dad's been up there almost constantly actually, but he's going to have to work at some point...

How am I doing? Well...it's a day by day thing for me. Sometimes I'm fine, other times I'm at the verge of tears, but most of the time I'm doing ok right now. My heart aches for Granny. I know she's very unhappy being this sick. I don't want to lose her, but I also know that sometimes letting go is the best. So I just pray. I pray for her and I pray for all of us and I know we'll get through this one day at time, however long it takes.

9 comments:

Athena said...

I lost my Granny (and Papa) in 2007. It is very hard when you know it's coming, and you definitely have to take it day by day. Like you, my heart still aches for them both, but I'm very lucky that I have a boatload of wonderful memories of them, right here in my head and heart. I cherish them. Take care, Ruthie. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

Tulips Talking said...

It hurts to know your heartache sweets. Prayers ... blew you a kiss, and here is ((())).

My Nanna lived until 5 months before her 100th, and had her faculties, just couldn't completely take care of herself alone.

I am SO happy that we visited with her before she left, hubby got to meet her for the first time, and DD re-met her and now has adult memories of her. Have a great photo of all of us together that I'll always cherish.

My heart goes out to you x0

Cozy said...

Letting go is so hard for everyone. I am happy for you that it is leading you to see some of your family in a new light. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

Yunaleska said...

Huge hugs. I remember losing my stepgrandmother - it was so hard at the time. Day by day is the only way to do it. Sometimes just getting through the minutes is tough.

Splendid Little Stars said...

Ruthie, sweetie! so hard, but having family all working together like this is so wonderful. more closeness and love generated. more sweet memories to treasure.

storybeader said...

sounds like you have a good attitude. As my mother says, that's the circle of life. Best wishes to the family, {:-D

The Magpie's Daughter said...

*snuggles*

UberArt and Emerson Bindery said...

I'm so sorry. I have one grandmother left, and she has been in a nursing home for a couple of years now. Mercifully she doesn't know the difference, but it's just sad to see her like this. I try to remember her as she used to be.

memoriesforlifescrapbooks said...

HUGS!!! I'm so sorry to hear she is not doing well!
But I am glad to hear that your family is pulling together in a time of need and doing what is best for Granny!
My thoughts are with you and your family!!!