Fighting Through Disappointment

Yesterday I got a letter informing me that my application for disability has been denied. I knew that it was possible that this would happen, but it still hurt. The government has a tendancy to deny everyone on their first applicaton, to weed out those who are really serious and those who just want some free money, so I know it's not personal, but it still hurts.

It doesn't help that this is coming after a long hard week of dealing with kidney stones! I'm already run down emotionally and physically from that. Plus my brother got some bad news two days ago, that left me upset. Add it all together and I'm a bit of wreck now!

Don't worry, I'm hanging in there. I plan on reapplying and hopefully this time my case will be granted. If I seem a little quiet for a day or two, that's just me working through the emotions.

I Survived!

Ok, first, I want to update you guys really quick on my friend Kat's Dad. As you may remember he was in a bad fall that resulted in 14 broken ribs. Ouch! I hadn't been able to get much of an update beyond "he's doing ok" from my friend Kat in about a week, life was just too crazy for us to connect beyond text messages, but I saw her night before last and we got to talk more :) Her Dad is healing up well. He's been able to get out of the house and be a little mobile. Went to church on Sunday and was able to go to the movies with Kat. He's still in a lot of pain and has a long ways to go, but at least he's able to do some!

Now to me...

As many of my friends already know, I had to have a psych eval as part of my disability application process. To be honest, the whole concept freaked me out. I tried really hard not to let it get to me, but it did. I know it's just routine, but appointments with new doctors, especially one's who's eval is going to mean a lot to my future, scare me.

The appointment itself went fine. I was exhusted afterwards though! I had to go over everything that has happened in the last few years, and a lot of what's happened over the course of my life time. It was emotionally draining. I ended up with a really bad migraine that evening as a result...

But hey, I survived it! It's over - and now it's time to just wait for the next step in this whole process. I don't know how long it'll be until I hear more. The next thing I hear might be their decision, or it could be a request for more info, you never know!

Updates :)

Here's the latest news :)

Kat's Dad: Latest count is that they've found 3 more broken ribs bringing him to a grand total of 14 broken ribs! I can't even imagine the amount of pain he must be in. They are keeping him in the hospital until Tuesday for sure to give his bruised lungs a chance to heal and to get his oxygen count back up. At this point they've decided not to do surgery on the ribs that broke loose because they think that the healing time naturally will be less than the healing time if they cut him open.

Disability: I received a letter this week saying that I have to go in for a mental evaluation. That's the 11th of next month, so I'm figuring that I won't get any decision back on my case until September at the very earliest. I'm not too worried about the eval. Everyone tells me it's pretty standard procedure. At least, I've convinced myself for now that I'm not worried, we'll see how I feel as we get closer to it!

Moving: We're getting down to the deadline! Wednesday is moving day. Really the only big thing left to pack up is the kitchen - and we can't really do that until right before. I also need to go through the bathroom stuff and figure out what I can get rid of because our new bathroom is tiny compared to the one we have now. So my goal for tomorrow is to work on that. I think the hardest thing will be packing up my beads though. *sniff* Not like they are hard logistically to pack, just emotional :P

The Disability Application...

Conundrum by DianeClancy

This last week has been a full one for me - emotionally at least. I started a couple weeks ago gathering the information needed to apply for disability, got derailed by some life stuff, and sat down about week ago to start the application. It's a long process!

The first couple of steps were on-line. First I had to fill out a bunch of questions that basically proved that I'm eligible to apply for disability. Then I filled out the basic application. At this point I don't even remember what was on it. Mostly questions like "why do you think you qualify?" and general info questions. It wasn't actually too hard, but just making myself do it was really hard emotionally. I think it got easier once I had done that part because I had gotten over that first hurdle of making myself push through the emotion to do it.

The next step was MUCH longer! They said it only takes up to 3 hours...I think it took me about 5. This was the part where I had to fill in all my medical information and work history. It felt like a million questions! I could only work on it for about an hour or so before my stress levels would get to high and I'd have to stop. I finished that yesterday finally!

Today I took in the signed medical release forms. I was so mad about that too! Ok, so the web-site told me I needed to bring in 18 signed release forms. So I printed them up, filled them out (name, ssn, b-day, sig, addy, phone), and ended up with major writers cramp. We go in and what does the lady say? "Oh we only need one of those honey."

*forehead slap*

And then my husband asks me in the car why I hadn't filled one out and photo copied the rest...

*larger forehead slap*

I was not a happy camper. Apparently I'm pretty funny when I start swearing in Spanish and random British terms though...and pounding the steering wheel... (sorry Mom, I'm not perfect)

But the important part is....it's done! At least for now. *sigh* I still have to apply for SSI, but I'm waiting them to call me before I can do that. I guess one's a state thing and the other is federal? I guess I'll figure it all out eventually.

I was amazed at how emotionally draining this has been. It makes sense I guess, I mean I was having to repeat all the medical information about the last two years, bringing up all the memories, and listing out my medical problems and medications was NOT fun. But I was surprised by some of the things that upset me. Like filling out my work history. I expected that to be simply annoying, but I almost started crying thinking about all the things I can't do any more!

Ok, this is a pretty depressing post, but I wanted to share what's been going on. Cuz I know you guys care :) I'm doing ok. Knowing I don't have any more paper work to fill out (for a few days at least) helps a lot! Moses has been incredibly supportive and understanding through all of this. I don't know how I would have held it together with out him! And hey, who knows? I might actually get accepted...that would relieve a LOT of stress!

Not to be Depressing but...

Every once in awhile I try to give you updates on what's going on with my health. I know that some of my followers care about what's going on - so that's why I do it! Not trying to complain - just being honest about what's going on.

Recent news has not been fun. The last couple weeks my asthma has gotten much worse again.  All my medications (including the steroids) are currently at maximum doses and there isn't really anything else the doctors can do right now. We've tried everything. So for now, I'm just resting as much as I can, pretty house-bound, and exhausted.

We did try having me move in with my parents for a few days in case it was something in my apartment I was reacting too. There's been no change though so I'm going back home tonight. I've missed being in my home! I love my family, and I'll always be welcome here, but I've become accustomed to my own place.

There is one new medication that we are going to try, but it's supposed to take months to build up in the system and work. It's also insanely expensive. So far I have grants for the first month and a half of treatment, and we're working on getting me more grants.  It'll take awhile - but hopefully this will help!

The other big news is that I'm working on the application for disibility right now. It's been over a year since my health got this bad, and there's no sign that I'll get significantly better for awhile. I don't know if they will grant it to me, asthma is a tricky one, but my Doctor supports me and I figure it's worth a try.

So - to try to make things a little less depressing - here are some things I'm happy about through all of this :)

~ My hubby, my family, and my friends love me!

~ I'm not reacting as badly to the high steroid levels as I usually do.

~ I have some awesome friends on-line that cheer me up every day :)

Love you guys!