Weekends

The Blog Fire theme right now is our favorite weekend activity. That got me thinking.

Weekend's have always been kind of messed up for me. When I was working full time I usually worked weekends, so my favorite weekend activity was time off! Or getting off work early enough to do something afterwards!

My favorite thing to do when I had time off work was to go swing dancing. I loved to dance! I'd get off a 10 hour shift, rush home to shower the smell of roast beef off, throw on a cute skirt and some make-up, grab my shoes, and be out the door! Back then I had boundless energy and I usually would dance for four hours or more, and then go out to get some food with my friends afterwards!

These days my weekends are a little weird again. It's not like I work on the weekend anymore, but with my health problems my days pretty much blend together. I don't have the strength to dance any more, and I don't really have the strength to do much actually. So weekends don't really mean anything to me, but there's hope! Some day with I'll get my health back, I hope, and when I do I'll do fun things on the weekends again :) And who knows - maybe during the week too!

The Summer We Didn't Date - part 2

If you didn't see my previous post - this is part 2 of a memoir piece I wrote recently. Part 1 is here.

The Summer We Didn't Date

Part 2

Like I said, I don’t really blame my friends for their confusion. I don’t think I really understood what was going on well enough to explain it very well, and the amount of time we spent together would have made anybody suspicious. Especially the amount of time we spent dancing.

Matt and I made great dance partners. I’m 5’10” and he was 6’2”. At those heights I often found myself with leads who were shorter than me, and he often found him self having to dance bent over so he didn’t break his partners arms. Together however? We fit perfectly. I was also one of the people who could keep up with his random style when he decided to get wacky. Add to that there were a couple of swing dance styles he had taught me that few people in the area knew, and we danced together a lot. I think if he had stayed in the area we may have become official dance partners. We just worked that well together dancing.

Matt is also the first guy I ever really slow danced with. I grew up pretty sheltered, and I had never danced by the time I moved out on my 21st birthday. When I did start dancing (not long after) I preferred to keep a safe distance between me and the guys I danced with. Swing dance doesn’t require a great deal of closeness for the most part anyway, and so there was a good deal of time before my walls broke down.

I think it was inevitable that I did eventually become comfortable with dancing close to my dance partner. It’s hard to avoid in the dance world, and I’m a very touch-orientated person anyway. I did always keep some boundaries though. I never became a skanky dancer and I was always picky about what guys I was willing to dance close to.

The first time I slow danced was a memorable day for many reasons. It was Father’s Day, but both of us had plans to celebrate the day with our Dad’s on a different day for some reason, and Matt suggested we hit up a park in Portland where they’d been holding weekly out door dances for free. So we climbed into Matt’s car and headed into down town Portland.

We had a rudimentary knowledge of where it was that we were going, well, we at least knew the address, and we had a map, so we should have been fine right? Wrong. What we didn’t know was that there was a big parade going on that day, so streets were blocked off, and parking was scarce. It took us 45 minutes to find a parking spot that was even remotely close to our destination. And by remotely close I mean 10 blocks away.

Relieved to finally be walking to the park, we headed off to cross the 10 blocks, neither of us talking much, just determined to get to our destination. Then we hit yet another snag, the parade itself, and what a parade it was! Apparently Portland holds their annual “pride parade” on Father’s day for some unknown reason. What’s a pride parade? Well as far as we could tell it’s a display of pride in sexual freedom of all sorts. The two sights I remember the most vividly were a bunch of toweled guys in a fake shower, and the girl who wasn’t wearing anything up top except a couple of strategic stickers, Matt wanted to know if that was even legal or if she should be arrested for public indecency.

As we stood there, trying to figure out how to get to the other side of the parade, I saw a girl with a basket headed our way. I couldn’t see what was in the basket, but I could see that she was pulling small objects out of the basket and handing them out to people as she made her way along the sidewalk. I did the first thing that came to my mind. I hid behind Matt!

I was really glad I hid too, because it turned out she was handing out condoms. I don’t remember what she said as she passed them out, I just remember watching Matt turn to the guy next to him and say, “Want some extra’s?” And then take off across a gap in the parade like a he was on fire. I quickly followed, dodging the nearest float as it approached, and we walked stiff-backed down the next block, neither of us quite knowing what to do or say. Finally Matt said, “That wasn’t awkward.”

“No, not at all.” I responded.

We were silent the rest of the way to the park.

There weren’t very many people at the dance event, which made sense since it was Father’s Day, and while we did recognize a few dancers, none of them were dancers that we knew very well. I think we started out dancing together, and then got brave and started dancing some with the people that we didn’t know. I do remember that we danced together a lot though, because there weren’t very many options!

Finally, after we’d been there for a good span of time, they started playing some slow music. At this point I pretty much avoided all slow dances. I just didn’t trust most of my dance partners, or my own ability, enough to want to dance that slow and close. It wasn’t something I’d ever made a big deal out of. I had just always found some excuse to back out like saying, “I really need to sit this one out.” Which, come to think of it, most of the guys probably saw right through because one function of slow dances is to let the dancers catch their breath!

I don’t remember what excuse I made when Matt tried to convince me to slow dance with him, just that whatever it was, it didn’t work. Matt was there to dance and he wasn’t taking no for an answer! I tried to protest, but he was so cute as he coaxed me out on the dance floor. Besides, I told myself, this was Matt, and if I couldn’t trust him on a slow dance I could never trust any guy.

At first I was really tense. Even as a dancer I wasn’t quite used to being this close to a guy and it was a total sensory overload, both from his touch and from the smell. Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t stink, but he had been sweating, and his “manly smell” was over powering!

To regain my mental balance I began to focus on the music. They were playing a song I knew, “Dancing Cheek to Cheek,” and I focused on humming along and moving to the music until I slowly relaxed and began to melt in Matt’s arms. That dance was magic. I forgot all my inhibitions about dancing close to a guy and just enjoyed the music and our interpretation of it.

It sounds romantic, and I suppose in many ways it was. For that one song I was in love. Not with Matt specifically, but with the music, with the dance, with the moment.

I still can’t hear that song with out thinking of Matt and that summer.

The summer we didn’t date.

The Summer We Didn't Date - Part 1

I've been trying to work on my writing skills. It's something I really enjoy doing, and something I want to be better at! Unfortunately my health problems often leave me so mentally exhausted that it can be hard to write coherently and creatively. So I set my goal as having one piece to publish on this blog a month other than my on-going story Aria's Quest. This time I'm breaking away from my typical fantasty format and I wrote a memoir piece.

The Summer We Didn't Date

You’ve heard the classic stories of an idyllic summer spent in romance; well this isn’t one of those. In fact, the best part of this summer was that there were no romantic complications what so ever! Yet it is still one of the best summers in my memory.

Matt and I had been friends for a awhile, and I’m not really sure what changed between us that summer. We’d gotten off to a rocky start years before over some religious differences, but I’d grown as a person since then (I freely admit the problems were my fault), and we’d since gotten to know each other fairly well. The time we spent together was usually in large group settings though. We were both swing dancers and we’d spend hours with our friends dancing, sometimes out in dance halls, other times at parties, and sometimes in just whatever random place the mood hit us.

That summer something changed. I don’t remember any specific event that triggered a change, it just happened. Slowly we started hanging out and doing things together just the two of us. I suppose our schedules were just compatible, we liked many of the same things, and we felt safe together.

We had some crazy adventures that summer. I don’t remember what movies we saw, but I know there were three or four times I’d get a call at some random time (like 9 am on a Monday) saying “Hey, want to go see…” and next thing I’d know it would be just the two of us in the theater watching the latest flick. After all, who else is awake, and not at work, for an 11 o’clock showing on a Monday?

I do remember that we saw the second Matrix movie. That’s the only one I remember and I remember it vividly because there’s a sex scene (that I didn’t know about ahead of time) in it. They weren’t kind with the scene either, no, they wove the sex scene in with a dance scene where something important was going on. So there I was, still a rather sheltered girl, never having seen a sex scene on the big screen before, alone with a guy in the theater, and not having a single clue how to respond!

Another time Matt and I went on a day trip to Seattle. Now I should mention that I grew up in a very sheltered home, so going on a road trip with a guy was a rather shocking concept for my Dad. I went anyway. Dad wasn’t happy, but after all, I was an adult, out on my own, and I knew Matt was a safe guy. Plus it wasn’t like it was an over night trip!

Matt wanted to go to Seattle to check out the university he was applying for. I don’t remember if he didn’t have a car at the time, or if he simply didn’t want to make the trip alone, but I had a friend I could visit in Seattle, and I always loved road trips, so we had decided to go together.

We got up early on Sunday morning to beat the traffic and give us plenty of time up there; it’s a three hour drive after all. I dropped him off to wander around the campus and went to go spend the day with my friend. We met up again, swapped stories, and drove home. But the day didn’t end there. No, it was Sunday, our traditional night to go dancing!

We had planned it all out ahead of time. When we got to town we stopped at his Grandparents house, where he was living at the time, to get food, freshen up, and put on our dancing clothes. I remember being in a small bathroom, changing and putting on deodorant, and catching myself blushing in the mirror as Matt insisted to his Grandparents that I was just a friend, they weren’t allowed to get all excited, and they needed to behave themselves! It was hard to keep a straight face when I came out to eat burritos with everyone else, but I had no clue if he would know that I could hear them through the walls, so I never said a word.

That night we danced into the wee hours of the morning, and then went out for pie at Shari’s with a bunch of our friends, another tradition for our group. I don’t think I dropped him off at his place until around 2:30 in the morning. I remember thinking it was the longest day I’d ever spent with a guy. 6am to 2:30 am. I was exhausted the next day, but I’d had fun, so I didn’t really care. In those days I had lots of energy to spare (and drank lots of caffeine when I didn’t) and I was known for pulling crazy stunts like that.

Like Matt had insisted to his grandparents, we weren’t dating. I know that sounds strange with us going to the movies and taking road trips, but we really weren’t. I’m not sure it’s something we ever consciously discussed, but it was something we both were very aware of. In fact, quite a bit of our time was spent discussing past relationships and current crushes. It was funny, in a way I became Matt’s “wing man” for the summer. Not only did I know every detail he knew about every girl he liked, he would often dance with me to “show off” for them!

I don’t think our friends really understood. I don’t blame them either! They all thought I was crazy. He was a very cute guy after all. At the very least they thought that I should be hurt that he spent so much time with me, but was so obviously interested in other girls. What they didn’t understand, couldn’t understand, was that our friendship was very healing for me.

I’d been through a bad relationship that lasted for years longer than it should have. The details aren’t important now, but I was left with a scarred heart. I didn’t really think I was worth anything, and I didn’t expect to be treated like I was special. I also did not trust my own judgment in guys any more. Not in the slightest. So anything with even a hint of romance to it tended to scare me out of my wits. It didn’t help that around that time most of the guys I did figure out were interested in me were obviously only interested in me on a sexual level, and that was not somewhere I was willing to go.

So Matt was like a safety net for me. I was extremely confident that he wasn’t interested in me, he wasn’t the type to try and get in a girls pants anyway, and I didn’t fit into his “mold” for the type of girl he liked either. At the same time, he was always a gentleman around me. Matt was always a little old fashioned, he could make suspenders look hot, and was the type that opened doors for girls.

Matt always treated me like I was special. I may not have been the one for him, but that didn’t change that I was a special person in his eyes. I can’t even begin to tell you how healing that was! I began to slowly believe again that I was worth being treated like I was someone special. I began to learn to accept it.

Some Explaining to Do

So I'm guessing from the comments I got on my award post, I have some explaining to do! I decided I could either answer each person individually, or just put up another post and explain myself :P So here goes!

1. First bone I ever broke was actually not mine...it was my cousins finger! Sorry Bonny!

We were about 7 I think, and getting ready to head up to our Granny's for a two week visit. Ever slammed your finger in a car door? Yeah, I didn't see her hand and I slammed the door. Broke her finger...and it was her birthday! Believe me I PAID for that one!

2. I've danced on the side of the free way.

Ok, this shot obviously isn't on the side of the free way, but it's one I love! I'm dancing with Aaron, and that's a black kilt he's wearing, and no, that's not his tidy whities peeking out - it's an under shirt! Anywho...back in my healthy days I was a swing dancer. The free way story comes from a time when some girls and I broke down on the side of the free way on the way out to go dancing. Since we had to wait to be rescued we decided to entertain ourselves! And what better way than by dancing? I'm just glad we didn't cause any accidents...

3. I once performed at the base of the Space Needle.

I spent a year as the co-leader of a drama group at my church. Among other things we did some street performances. One of them just happened to be in a park at the base of the Space Needle!

4. I had an article published in an Australian Craft Magazine.

This was earlier this year - and I was so excited!

5. My brother lives in Kathmandu, Nepal.

I miss him like crazy. He should be home in January!

6. I was once an extra in a movie.

This is a dancing thing again! I don't know if I made it into the final movie, but I got to dance as an etra in the indie film "Everyman's War." It's just finally coming out now...two years later! Don't know if I'll get to see it or not, but it was an experience to remember!

7. I've never been camping.

It just never worked out for one reason or another. Don't really see myself doing it at this point either :P

8. As a girl I raised pigs for food instead of having pets.

My Dad grew up a farm boy, and we lived on half an acre of land. He didn't really believe in animals unless they served a purpose, so instead of a dog or cat, I raised a total of 6 pigs! They tasted good too :P