Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Life's a Jumble

Sometimes life is just a jumbled up mess. Often, life is a jumbled up mess. Things are confusing, stressful, overwhelming, but that's life.

Right now I have a lot of different things running through my head. I'm trying not to worry about my cousin. I'm trying not to worry about my best friend. I'm trying not to worry about me...

I can't really talk about everything that's going on right now because some of it is very personal to other people.

Stress is a funny thing you know? It affects us both body and mind, and just when you think your finally handling it well, you realize your not.

Right now I have a lot going on that's stressful. I'm trying hard not to let it get to me. I know that worry won't do anything to make my life longer. I know that freaking out doesn't help anything. I also know that stressing out makes my lungs and migraines worse.

So what do I do?

Depends on the day. Some days I just bury myself in the routine and try not to focus on the things that are upsetting me. Other days I've learned I have to just let myself feel the emotions and let them pass. Those days I usually end up reading a lot. I've found I can work things out in the back of my mind while I'm reading a book.

The last 24 hours has been one of those "reading a lot" times. I found out yesterday that the organization that I thought was going to be helping me with my disability can't help me after all. That was a lot to take in. The good news is that I found a lawyer already through a friend. He told me what the next steps are (I actually don't need his help at this point), and if I get denied a second time I'll call him again for help. So...while that did stress me out, it's working out ok.

Then something happened with my best friend last night. I can't talk about it, and it's going to be ok, but suffice it to say having that happen on top of the disability stuff was a lot to take.

I'm such an over achiever it's hard not to beat myself up when I have a day where I need to just work through my emotions and I let my normal routine drop. But I'm learning too. If I let myself work through things, like today, then things go much smoother than if I try to force myself when things get too bad.

All this to say...ya...I get emotional when things get bad...but I'm going to get through it...I've learned to cope. Sometimes I don't cope well, other times I do, but life moves on.

Thanks for listening.


Splendid Little Stars said...

Where to start? I feel your pain. And I thank you for being willing to share as much as you do. You know I am pulling for you.
I have thought of writing a blog post about some of the stuff going on in my life this year--it would be an apologia. But then I get lost in what to say. And like you, some is too personal to "publicize." That is all I will say for now. But again, I affirm you for sharing.

catinalife said...

you've got a lot on your plate. Tomorrow is another day, always take a bit of time for yourself, even if only 15 minutes to forget about everything else, it can be a recharge.

Kathleen said...

praying for you!!!

Nayuleska said...

Reading this was like reading for myself. Books help so much (and dvds :D). Some days it is a case of taking life a minute at a time. Or even a second :) It'll get easier.

Memories for Life said...

(((BIG HUGS)))

You are a strong woman and I know you will overcome this all :)
In the mean time...take it easy and take as many "reading days" as you need!
You know we're here for you :)

Anonymous said...

(((Rosey Posey)))

Splendid said it all so well.

You write so well yourself, I felt like I was beside you listening to you talk and watching you tear up and cry. Holding your hand. Hugging you...

You know your cyber-aunt wuvs you sweetie. If you need to talk....

TiLT said...

well - I wish I was there for in person hugs...but a virtual one will have to do (((hugs))). I know you'll get through it & cope...but there is nothing wrong with taking some time away from stress & just let all those emotions run their course...will be thinking of you & those close to you *kiss kiss*

Anonymous said...


You're strong and everything will pass.. sometimes bad sometimes good.. but life goes on.. I know how you feel, now I have many things in my mind and what to share to someone too.. but like you said.. it's too personal.. I can't public..
Read as much as you want, knit and crochet can help you too.. coz now I do that.. and come back to face all of those stresses.. you can handle all of them.. I know you can.. and I will be here to support you, Ruthie.. even virtual it can help like TiLT said..

Splendid Little Stars said...

just checking back in....you are on my mind and in my heart.